Donald Trump, the self-proclaimed master of economic strategy, has done it again. Through the sheer brilliance of slapping tariffs on everything that moves and creating the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), he has managed to supercharge America’s economy—straight into a brick wall.

His tariffs, which were supposed to “protect” American businesses, have instead made everything more expensive, crippled farmers, and fueled inflation. Meanwhile, DOGE, under the ever-humble Elon Musk, has made government operations so efficient that basic services like Social Security are now teetering on collapse.

But hey, nothing says “winning” like skyrocketing prices, financial ruin for farmers, and a government that can’t function.

“This is how you sabotage the world’s economic engine while claiming to supercharge it,” said Nigel Green, CEO of global financial advisory deVere Group. “The reality is stark: these tariffs will push prices higher on thousands of everyday goods—from phones to food—and that will fuel inflation at a time when it is already uncomfortably persistent.”

Translation: Trump swore he’d fix the economy, but instead, he torched it and handed out marshmallows.

Making Everything More Expensive—A True Gift to the American People

Trump’s tariffs have been the economic equivalent of punching yourself in the face and declaring victory. By slapping massive taxes on imported goods, he made sure that American companies had to pay more for raw materials, which, of course, means higher prices for consumers.

Electronics? More expensive. Cars? More expensive. Groceries? Why not jack those up, too? Inflation was already bad, but thanks to Trump’s strategic genius, it’s even worse!

The best part? American workers and businesses are paying for these tariffs, not China, despite what Trump keeps insisting. But who needs facts when you have slogans?

Farmers: The Lucky Winners of Trump’s Trade War

Oh, and let’s not forget America’s farmers, who were promised a golden age under Trump. Instead, they got sucker-punched when China stopped buying their crops in retaliation for his tariffs. Soybean farmers, in particular, got the privilege of watching their biggest customer take their business elsewhere.

Trump’s solution? Handing out government bailouts to cover up the disaster he created. That’s right—after telling Americans that government handouts were bad, he turned around and spent billions bailing out farmers from his own bad decisions. Genius.

DOGE: Efficiency So Extreme That Nothing Works

As if Trump’s economic disasters weren’t enough, he had the brilliant idea to streamline the government by launching DOGE. The Department of Government Efficiency—led by none other than Elon Musk—was supposed to cut waste. Instead, it gutted vital agencies and made everything worse.

Take the Social Security Administration (SSA), for example. Thanks to DOGE’s “efficiency measures” (a.k.a. firing thousands of workers), offices are swamped, calls are going unanswered, and people are wondering whether their benefits will even show up.

One veteran SSA employee summed it up perfectly: “It feels like we’re being set up to fail.”

And let’s not forget that DOGE also gained access to highly sensitive federal databases, including the Social Security records of millions of Americans. Because nothing screams “trustworthy” like slashing government jobs while gaining access to everyone’s personal information. What could possibly go wrong?

Alienating Allies—A Bold Strategy

But why stop at wrecking the domestic economy when you can also alienate America’s closest allies? Trump’s tariffs didn’t just hurt Americans; they also enraged Canada, the EU, and Japan, who responded with their own tariffs. The result? American businesses got squeezed from both sides, and foreign governments started looking elsewhere for trade deals.

So much for “America First.” Turns out, isolating yourself in a global economy isn’t a winning strategy. Who knew? (Answer: literally every economist, but they were clearly too busy being “haters” to appreciate Trump’s genius.)

Why Is Trump Really Doing This?

That’s the million-dollar question—except, in Trump’s case, it’s more like the billion-dollar question. Because let’s be honest, none of this is by accident.

The tariffs? They cripple small and mid-sized businesses while boosting the price of goods, making it easier for billionaires and big corporations to dominate the market. The destruction of the farming industry? Well, it just so happens that foreign investors and agribusiness giants are more than happy to buy up struggling farms at rock-bottom prices.

And then there’s DOGE. Sure, cutting government agencies makes them “more efficient” in the sense that they no longer work. But once these public services are fully collapsed, who do you think will swoop in to “fix” the problem? That’s right—Trump’s billionaire buddies.

Social Security administration failing? No worries! A private company can take over the management (for a small fee, of course). Government health services in chaos? Well, privatized healthcare is just waiting in the wings. Every essential public service that gets gutted is another opportunity for corporate takeovers.

What’s the endgame? A world where everyday Americans pay more for everything—while Trump and his wealthy friends laugh all the way to the bank.

Conclusion: The Art of the Self-Inflicted Wound

Trump’s tariffs and DOGE policies have been a stunning success—if the goal was to make America weaker, poorer, and more isolated. Prices are up, farmers are broke, government agencies are crumbling, and billionaires are getting richer.

But don’t worry—Trump will surely be back soon to tell us all how great things are going. Just ignore the economic wreckage behind him.