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April 6, 2012, 2:32 pm
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The leapin', lyin' loonies of the GOP have just about picked their 2012 candidate to run for President of the Washington-Wall Street Axis of Evil.  Wonder of wonders, it's the multi-millionaire Mutt Romney, the man in the magic underwear, whose square jaw, perfect hair helmet, wit and dynamism most closely resembles a mannequin in Macy's Men's Department. Whose name, respelled could be R. Money.  The one thing the Wall Street-Washington Axis of Evil has always been after. Our money.  Oddly enough, Mutt Romney, of all the candidates who ran for the nutwing political party's nomination, is the one the majority of card-carrying loons actually can't stand.
The over-exposed and underwhelming "race" for the party nomination was a seemingly endless unreality roadshow of craven, lying, borderline racist, crypto-zombies offering up nothing but political bunkum and drivel juiced with dopey doses of Jesus.  All of which occasionally caused their audiences to yelp and howl like blood thirsty hyenas, but put everyone else in a coma.  Sound and fury signifying nothing.
The media bloviators tried desperately and tirelessly to pump oxygen into this lame and sagging collection of has-beens, never-will-bes and flat-out losers.  Imagine the cast of characters in addition to Mutt, whose political positions swirled crazily from one direction to another like a weather cock in a hurricane:  The undead fatso windbag Newt Gingrich.   The race-mongering ("nig..."), gay-bashing, women-hating, porn-obsessed crazy for Christ Rick Sanitorium.  The Ayn Randian mouse Ron Paul.  Nonsensical and half-batty Michelle Bachman.  For awhile at least, the ridiculous Texas governor Rick Perry, who proved to be as much of a dim bulb as his preposterous predecessor, ex-Texas governor and unelected President W.  For a split second and to absolutely no avail, there was the invisible Jon Huntsman.  No Donald Trump. Praise Jesus!!
And no Sarah Palin.  Alas!!!
The stunningly attractive, mercenary, calculating but none too bright 2008 GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin would have dusted all these doofuses if she had chosen to run.
Since her introduction to the lumpen American public in 2008, she has proven herself to be a born actress, a practiced and subtle seductress/succubus, a nimble-witted and razor-tongued Mistress of snark and, politically, a genuine, authentic fake.  
Old Gramps McCain could hardly keep his eyes off her butt when they campaigned together, while his wife, Cindy, stood rigid in the background in her shocking yellow suits, staring poison-dipped daggers at her randy hubby.
If Palin had participated in the long string of deadly dreary 2012 GOP debates, the confrontations between Sarah and the stiffs, would have been as irresistibly watchable as an auto accident instead of sleep-inducing.
Mutt Romney, the stiffest stiff, would have been even more tongue-tied, drenched in flop-sweat and, eventually would have gone up in smoke as his magic underwear burst into hot flames.  Fat, flabby Newt would have peacocked around fantasizing he was Casanova until finally silenced by an onset of dry mouth in the face of Sarah's stinging put-downs.  Rick Sanitorium, the non-stop promoter of anti-sex, would have stayed put behind his podium lest his real stiffness and hypocrisy be revealed.  Randian Rand Paul might not even have noticed La Sarah performing her political dance of the seven veils before his very eyes as he spouted his libertarian guff and anti-war declarations.    Good ole Texas boy Rick Perry's political pick-up lines would have clanged and fallen flat with Sarah.  And Michelle Bachman would simply have melted.
Having overwhelmed all opponents and grabbed the nomination, the debates between Palin and Obama would have been both electrifying and occasionally cringe-inducing.
Obama, the great betrayer of the party he claims to belong to, who ran for and won the presidency on a smile and a shoeshine and became the first African-American in our history to snatch that prize, has so far proven to be no Jackie Robinson, but rather a hitless wonder, feckless, pretty much lacking the necessities for the job and perhaps deep down, frightened of the looney GOP, who have attacked him relentlessly with the loudest lies they could concoct.  Nevertheless, he appears to be, in almost every public instance, calm, collected and cool. Willard Mutt R. Money, is below zero.  Sarah Palin is hot.
Obama, who looks like a human stiletto, will easily carve up Mutt, who stumbles over words, because they mostly have no meaning to him and is so tightly wrapped he appears to be perpetually uncomfortable.
Perhaps his magic underwear is a size too small.
Palin, on the other hand is an intellectual lightweight, who relishes punching above her weight class. She can be at the same time flirtatious and ferocious.  Combine that with the pitch-perfect nutwing political gibberish she generally utters in her rather whiney voice and you have a mix that is certainly fun to watch. And could well knock Obama off his game from time to time.
Despite the fact the loons genuinely love her, she could never actually win the Presidential election. Luckily there are still not enough of those wild and paranoid low information loons to carry her to victory.  Mutt's constituency, though, consists mostly of millionaires, billionaires and gazillionaires.  The .001%.  They will try mightily to buy the election.  But Mutt is just too unappealing to humans, as are they.  That leaves Obama, whose base essentially walked off before the 2010 election, leaving the field to the crack-brained Republicans.  Faced with the usual Presidential choice of the lesser of two evils, enough of them will come back to vote for him this year.  Before once again walking off in disgust and disappointment by 2014.
If only Obama, who is in fact both a Democrat-in-sheep's-clothing as well as a closet Republican, could run against himself. That would be something.  A true Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde brain twister.  Heads I win. Tails you lose.
That election would certainly save on yard signs (do they still even use them?).  And Obama could give the same campaign speech to both sides.  We would all be driven crazy.  And in the end, the result would be what it is going to be anyway.
The President of the Washington-Wall Street Axis of Evil is merely a political "legitimizer", a front man, or perhaps carnival barker, for the interconnecting criminal enterprises that really run this country.  Elections in recent years seem more and more mere distractions, the bump or jostle that lets the villains dip into our pockets while we're looking the other way.
This year will be no different.  For the moment and foreseeable future the world belongs to the greed-crazed banksters, the hedge fund hooligans, the corporate crooks and their bought and paid for politicians. When Obama or Mutt declare the 2012 Presidential election is a race to restore the American Dream, do not believe them for a second.   Like 2000, 2004 and 2008, this election looks to be, for the 99%, another sad chapter in America's race to the poorhouse.
Author: Bernard Jenkins
Bernard Jenkins a regular Contributor at, is a writer and raconteur commenting on U.S. and world affairs for eons.
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